Saturday, 7 May 2016

Just a musing

I believe that growing up is a parody. It’s a parody of our beliefs. It’s the parody of how we think, and it’s one of the single most cruel thing that happens to everybody, on a daily basis.” That’s what he thought when he was walking down the footpath.
There was a time, when reasons held deeper meanings. When, he knew what everything meant. When he was 8, the thing that scared him, was the darkness. After a while, it was silence. Time has a funny way of making itself felt. What he feared, turned into what he hated, and then it became the familiar commuter- The one who annoys you so much, that you start admiring him.
20 years later, there are things that scare him. He often pondered, what really scares him now. Was he really scared? Were there any reasons to be scared? Reasons, for now, have lost their meanings. Maybe, it’s the fact that I have nothing, that scares me. Emptiness is terrifying, because it nudges us to find something within. When you have no one around, you look inside to find something that would make you feel something. For him, that was scarier.
Somewhere along the way, he had lost the desire to fill himself. Was it the reason why he considered himself sadder than the most melancholic person in the world? Talking about ways, the way back to ‘home’ was extremely scary for him.
With each batch of passing crowd, he felt envy engraved on him, with sharper chisels. More often than not, there would be this guy with a phone, to which he spoke with an eye-twinkling smile. There would be this woman, warning her toddler, not to stamp its feet in the puddle and then there would be the sharpest jab, from the couple, who held hands in the shape of a heart.
He would re-position the the strap of his bag, hoping that it would make him comfortable. The weight of the work was always comforting. “At least, I have got something to when I am home”. He would avert his eyes, pretending to look at his shiny boots. The faces were all different, but they all reminded him of the same thing.
Sometimes, when you are doing simple things around the house, maybe you’ll think of me and smile,"  he thought. It had once inspired him, to find someone who would smile for him. He realized, not very soon, that thing’s tearfully difficult. It still is!!!

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